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syntonic_comma @ 03:20 pm: The reports of my death...
... have been greatly exaggerated!
From info.office.limited@go2.pl Sun Oct  2 13:48:07 2011
Date: Sun, 2 Oct 2011 18:25:28 +0100 (BST)
From: Info-office-investigation <info.office.limited@go2.pl>
Reply-To: info-office-investigation@go2.pl
To: undisclosed recipients:  ;
Subject: What is going on are you still alive?
If you don't know who I am, how can you wonder whether I am still alive?
Attention  Please,

 I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU IF THIS IT'S NOT TRUE.
Why be sorry? If it's not true, I should be glad to know of it!
If it is true, you can't tell me anything.
I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM MR.JAMES
KELLER,HE CALLED US YESTERDAY WITH THIS TELEPHONE NUMBER:8668623150 INFORMING ME
THAT YOU ARE DEAD
Well which was it? Email or a phone call?
AND HE SAID THAT I SHOULD SEND HIM YOUR FUND TO HIS HOME
ADDRESS: 1011 S 7TH ST. WATERTOWN, WI 53094, USA,
That address is Behm Heating & Cooling.
BECAUSE HE IS YOUR NEXT OF KIN
BENEFICIARY TO YOU, AND HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT YOU INSTRUCTED HIM TO CLAIM YOUR
PROPERTIES INCLUDING YOUR MONEY IN CASE BECAUSE [sic] YOU ARE NO MORE TO BE FOUND ON
EARTH.

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW [sic] MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT [sic]
KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY [sic] THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU
REGADING [sic] THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND.
I haven't "reply" because you haven't sent me any previous email, and I won't reply because there is no fund.
Or maybe I don't reply because I'm dead?
THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU THAT I AM GOING
TO DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BE [sic] TRANSFER [sic] TO
HIM AS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIAL TO YOU MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE
AND MAY GOD GRATE [sic] YOU INTERNAL [sic] LIFE ON THE LAST DAY TO COME I AM VERY VERY
SORRY.
If God is going to "grate" me (or anyone else) "internal" life, why should (s)he wait until the last day to do it?
(Is there any point to life after the last day? Does that even make sense?)
HE DID ALSO SAID [sic] HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SPEND SOME MONEY TO GET THE FUND
BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I SHOULD LET HIM KNOW THE COST,I
TOLD HE [sic] TO HOLD ON AND LET ME VERIFY IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT BECUASE [sic] IAM [sic] CONFUSED
NOW ABOUT THIS CLAIMS' [sic] YOU ARE ADVICE [sic] TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME PROCEED
ON YOUR TRANSFER IF THIS IS NOT TRUE BUT FOR YOUR INFROMATION [sic] YOU ARE TO PAY FOR
THE RENEWAL OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE FEE OF YOUR FUND, WHICH THE [sic] IF IT IS TRUE
THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE

THESE ARE YOUR FUNERAL PICTURES HE SUBMITTED TO ME AS THE FINAL CEREMONY OF YOUR
BURIAL

Coffin being taken out of the cathedral
Coffin being taken out of the cathedral
Pavarotti's coffin
Pavarotti&apos;s coffin
REPORTED BY MR. JAMES KELLER

YOUR URGENT RESPOND [sic] IS HIGHLY NEEDED.AND REMEMBER TO CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU
RECEIVE THIS MAIL REGARD [sic] MR BEN SMITH. +22998396245
If there's nothing to suggest that it's my funeral, the pictures don't do anything to prove that I am dead. My text-only email showed me the ALT-tags of the photos, which I don't think I was meant to see. Apparently I am Pavarotti; I am no longer "undisclosed recipients". (Really, that is not what I expect my funeral to look like!) Or maybe Pavarotti, in his coffin, was a guest at my funeral. Now I feel bad for not going to his funeral, because I was alive and it would have been a lot easier for me. (Then again, he's probably not very busy now; he's got more free time in his schedule than I had in mine when he died.)

And isn't the burial the final ceremony of the funeral, not the other way around?

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