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Using spam in ways spammers never intended

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October 5th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 01:29 am: wow, a free ebook!
Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2011 18:00:17 +0200
From: Tommy <info.vskp79@gmail.com>
Subject: Hello

Hi
Now is your chance to win $ 10,000
All you need do is
1 Send this message to everyone you know
So you want me to be a spammer too?
My friends expect some kind of quality control in the things I forward. I have no idea what you are pushing.
2 Click on the link and type in your email address
How do I know that link won't give me malware?
Is there some reason you don't want me to visit the link before I forward to everyone I know?
(Of course, I'm running Linux and using Firefox with NoScript and RequestPolicy, so I'm hard to infect....)
You've already got my email address. (You sent me email, didn't you?)
Once you've done that you will get an e-book free
What kind of e-book? Why should I even imagine that it's something I want to read?
I can get plenty of free stuff to read (that I will find interesting) without giving some unknown website my email address.
[I'm not pimping that link]
And what about the $10K? Where does that come from?

October 2nd, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 03:20 pm: The reports of my death...
... have been greatly exaggerated!
From info.office.limited@go2.pl Sun Oct  2 13:48:07 2011
Date: Sun, 2 Oct 2011 18:25:28 +0100 (BST)
From: Info-office-investigation <info.office.limited@go2.pl>
Reply-To: info-office-investigation@go2.pl
To: undisclosed recipients:  ;
Subject: What is going on are you still alive?
If you don't know who I am, how can you wonder whether I am still alive?
Attention  Please,

 I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU IF THIS IT'S NOT TRUE.
Why be sorry? If it's not true, I should be glad to know of it!
If it is true, you can't tell me anything.
I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM MR.JAMES
KELLER,HE CALLED US YESTERDAY WITH THIS TELEPHONE NUMBER:8668623150 INFORMING ME
THAT YOU ARE DEAD
Well which was it? Email or a phone call?
AND HE SAID THAT I SHOULD SEND HIM YOUR FUND TO HIS HOME
ADDRESS: 1011 S 7TH ST. WATERTOWN, WI 53094, USA,
That address is Behm Heating & Cooling.
BECAUSE HE IS YOUR NEXT OF KIN
BENEFICIARY TO YOU, AND HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT YOU INSTRUCTED HIM TO CLAIM YOUR
PROPERTIES INCLUDING YOUR MONEY IN CASE BECAUSE [sic] YOU ARE NO MORE TO BE FOUND ON
EARTH.

I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW [sic] MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT [sic]
KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY [sic] THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU
REGADING [sic] THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND.
I haven't "reply" because you haven't sent me any previous email, and I won't reply because there is no fund.
Or maybe I don't reply because I'm dead?
THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU THAT I AM GOING
TO DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BE [sic] TRANSFER [sic] TO
HIM AS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIAL TO YOU MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE
AND MAY GOD GRATE [sic] YOU INTERNAL [sic] LIFE ON THE LAST DAY TO COME I AM VERY VERY
SORRY.
If God is going to "grate" me (or anyone else) "internal" life, why should (s)he wait until the last day to do it?
(Is there any point to life after the last day? Does that even make sense?)
HE DID ALSO SAID [sic] HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SPEND SOME MONEY TO GET THE FUND
BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I SHOULD LET HIM KNOW THE COST,I
TOLD HE [sic] TO HOLD ON AND LET ME VERIFY IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT BECUASE [sic] IAM [sic] CONFUSED
NOW ABOUT THIS CLAIMS' [sic] YOU ARE ADVICE [sic] TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME PROCEED
ON YOUR TRANSFER IF THIS IS NOT TRUE BUT FOR YOUR INFROMATION [sic] YOU ARE TO PAY FOR
THE RENEWAL OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE FEE OF YOUR FUND, WHICH THE [sic] IF IT IS TRUE
THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE

THESE ARE YOUR FUNERAL PICTURES HE SUBMITTED TO ME AS THE FINAL CEREMONY OF YOUR
BURIAL

Coffin being taken out of the cathedral
Coffin being taken out of the cathedral
Pavarotti's coffin
Pavarotti&apos;s coffin
REPORTED BY MR. JAMES KELLER

YOUR URGENT RESPOND [sic] IS HIGHLY NEEDED.AND REMEMBER TO CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU
RECEIVE THIS MAIL REGARD [sic] MR BEN SMITH. +22998396245
If there's nothing to suggest that it's my funeral, the pictures don't do anything to prove that I am dead. My text-only email showed me the ALT-tags of the photos, which I don't think I was meant to see. Apparently I am Pavarotti; I am no longer "undisclosed recipients". (Really, that is not what I expect my funeral to look like!) Or maybe Pavarotti, in his coffin, was a guest at my funeral. Now I feel bad for not going to his funeral, because I was alive and it would have been a lot easier for me. (Then again, he's probably not very busy now; he's got more free time in his schedule than I had in mine when he died.)

And isn't the burial the final ceremony of the funeral, not the other way around?

September 16th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 03:19 am: mei-ling who?
From meilinglam@live.com Fri Sep 16 02:34:08 2011
Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2011 00:48:04 -0400
From: Mei-Ling Lam <meilinglam@live.com>
To: "me@my_isp.net" <me@my_isp.net>
Subject: Mei-Ling Lam's Favorites & Email Confirmation
I have no idea who Mei-Ling Lam is. And I don't want to know.
But I do want to know why I'm on her mailing list.
MEI-LING LAM WOULD LIKE TO CONFIRM YOUR CONTACT DETAILS
I don't care what she wants.
Please click here to confirm or edit your contact details
I'm not about to do that.
IMPORTANT: Please be sure to add the email address (meilinglam@live.com) to your safe senders list to ensure that you get their messages every time.
My email software doesn't have a "safe senders list".
And I don't want to get "their" messages. Ever.
(And it's "her", not "their". She's not plural. Nor royalty. (At least, I don't think she's royalty. I don't know who she is.) Even if she were royalty, we wouldn't refer to her in the plural; she'd refer to herself in the plural.)
Here are some things that Mei-Ling Lam currently likes and wants to share with you...


item
Playboy: Playboy's 50th Anniversary Celebration

Mei-Ling Lam's comment: Miss June 2011 Mei-Ling Lam Just Saying Hello :)
And why do I care?
Learn More »

amazon Buy It twitter Tweet This facebook Share This
I don't tweet, either. And  I don't trust Facebook.
As a member of Mei-Ling Lam official mailing list, you will receive all the latest news and information from Mei-Ling Lam's on releases, tours, contests and much more.
I gather from the above that she is a Playboy Bunny. Is that sufficient grounds to hold contests and tours?
This list is powered by FanBridge, the world's leading provider of fan relationship management services for artists.
Is she an artist or a Playboy Bunny?
With FanBridge, your information is kept safe and never sold to 3rd parties.
I never gave my name/address to FanBridge, either.
You people have got to start using confirmation responses before you enroll people.
You can't put addresses on mailing lists just because someone gives them to you. It makes you a spammer.
Find out more at http://www.fanbridge.com

Mei-Ling Lam sent this email to me@my_isp.net
Questions? Contact meilinglam@live.com or Mei-Ling Lam, c/o FanBridge, Inc. -
14525 SW Millikan Way, #16910, Beaverton, Oregon 97005, United States
Question: Why is she sending me email?
Update Your Information -
http://fburls.com/updt/......
Privacy Policy - http://www.fanbridge.com/learn/privacy.php
Update my information? There's no reason you should have any information about me in the first place.
This email message is powered by FanBridge:
http://www.fanbridge.com/b.php?id=54
Powering Valuable Fan Relationships
This is not a valuable relationship.

September 14th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 12:14 pm: distinguished?
from:   Women's Professional Network <offer@jirc231osuperiority.com>
to:
date:   Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 15:40
subject:  Congratulations you have been chosen for Registry of Distinguished Women

Step up your networking, join National Association of Professional Women
You might argue whether I am distinguished. You would be stupid to argue that I am a woman.

Still, I guess maybe half the people who get this will be women. That's a better percentage than the bank phishing; a very low percentage of those recipients will actually have an account at whatever random bank is targeted.

syntonic_comma @ 02:28 am: just plain "Why?"
I am not a lawyer, and I've never played one on TV.
I'm certainly not an Australian lawyer.
And with no "To:" line, you don't even have to pretend you know my name.
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2011 20:10:17 +1000
From: crystal_masaru@iprimus.com.au
Subject: Advice!

I am contacting you for legal settlement/agreement between me and my ex.
Kindly advice for collection of agreement. Crystal M.
What's the purpose of this kind of spam? It's not even selling anything.
This isn't a "Why me?", it's a "Why at all?"

Am I supposed to try to chat Crystal up for a date? In Australia?

Current Mood: confusedconfused

September 10th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 07:46 pm: mysterious "Central Bank"
From chika_ogili8@yahoo.fr Sat Sep 10 13:01:54 2011
Received: from nm18.bullet.mail.ukl.yahoo.com ([217.146.183.192]) by imta06.westchester.pa.mail.comcast.net with comcast id Wyau1h01G49UmiZ06yavo2; Sat, 10 Sep 2011 10:34:55 +0000
Received: from [82.128.87.106] by web28107.mail.ukl.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sat, 10 Sep 2011 11:34:53 BST
X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/14.0.5 YahooMailWebService/0.8.113.315625
Message-ID: <1315650893.85510.YahooMailClassic@web28107.mail.ukl.yahoo.com>

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2011 11:34:53 +0100 (BST)
From: Western Union <chika_ogili8@yahoo.fr>
Reply-To: wunion251@gmail.com
Subject: Welcome to Western Union
To: undisclosed recipients: ;

Western Union®
Welcome to Western Union
Send Money Worldwide

Email address wunion251@gmail.com

Attention: ,

After the Board Meeting by bank this morning, the Bank Finalized that they will send you your first payment of $6,500 and i was given the order to send you the first payment and it will be Awaiting Authorization from the Central Bank Manager till you pay for the Legalizing fees $80 which i earlier told you that it will cost you $80. You should track the payment information below and verify what i have just told you the funds are there for you but is is awaiting Authorization from the Central Bank, simply because you have not pay for the Legalizing fees, so if you are ready to receive your funds then you send the money right now as i release the funds to you with immediate effect.
Below is your payment information, please do tract it at www.westernunion.com and confirm what i have just told you.

Mtcn==   054-833-4343
Sender' s First Name= Steven.
Sender' s Second Name= Ashcraft
Text Question= How Long?
Answer== Today
Amount sent $6,500


MR. MACK DAVIS .

Email address wunion251@gmail.com
Western Union Payments
Western Union Logo

Well, this one's different. There's the implication that I'll be receiving a series of payments. Doesn't say how many, nor how often. It's rather modest, compared to the millions of dollars so many other strangers have offered me. I have underlined some odd bits of language usage (typical of fee scams) and things that are interesting or not true. There was no earlier email. There was no attachment with the WU Logo.
The bank had a board meeting on a Saturday? And If I am due this money, why did it require a board decision? Doesn't say which "Central Bank". Doesn't say anything about where this money is coming from. I suppose that was in the non-existent earlier mail? (BST timezone @ +0100 = British Summer Time.)
If this is above board, why can't they just take the "Legalizing fees" out of my payment? Wouldn't that be simpler for all of us? If they're not in the US, why are the fees (and payments) in dollars? Why is Western Union involved?
And, of course, there's the ever popular "undisclosed recipients". You want to send me money, but you don't use my name? And the from address looks nothing like "Mack Davis" or Western Union. (Virus-infected spambot?)

September 9th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 11:55 am: marisol, the tease
from: marisol monica27@pangbourne-on-thames.com
to: b.chilton@gmail.com,
       b.chirdeep@gmail.com,
       x.xxxxxxx@gmail.com (Yes, this is you.)
date: Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 15:08
subject: my pics for you

hi honey :)

I made some pictures for you, few of them are nude :)
I changed my email because my husband found last one.
don`t use my old email, email me at drenalerusticr@hotmail.com
Im online right now so I can send you my photos in 5 mins :)

kisses..
Total stranger, no previous contact. Probably just trolling for replies to confirm addresses to sell later.

What's with people who can't hide an email address from a spouse?

August 4th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 01:43 am: get the basics, people!
If you want me to read your spam, it shouldn't show up on my screen as raw html!
Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2011 21:25:16 -0400 (EDT)
From: Beulah@njit.edu

Content-Type: text/html<HTML>
<HEAD>
  <META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; CHARSET=UTF-8">
  <META NAME="GENERATOR" CONTENT="GtkHTML/3.32.2">
</HEAD>
<BODY>
<DIV ALIGN=center><A HREF="http://www.cashcrate.com/[#######]"><IMG
SRC="http://www.cashcrate.com/lib/images/sigs/sig_g2_preview.png" ALIGN="bottom" ALT="CashCrateLogo" BORDER="0"></A></DIV>
<DIV ALIGN=center><B><FONT SIZE="4">Do you know that companies are paying </FONT></B><B><FONT
SIZE="4"><I>top-dollar</I></FONT></B><B><FONT SIZE="4"> to have users like you try their products and services for free? At
</FONT></B><B><FONT SIZE="4"><FONT COLOR="#008000">CashCrate</FONT></FONT></B><B><FONT SIZE="4">, we pass that money on to
you. Simply complete free offers</FONT></B><B><FONT SIZE="4">, do surveys, and get recruit friends...</FONT></B><B><FONT
SIZE="4"> and get paid without spending a dime!</FONT></B></DIV>
Hi, <BR>
My name is Jason, I make the vast majority of my money easily online through CashCrate.&nbsp; I send out emails to friends
like you, and as you make money, I make money!&nbsp; You can do the same.&nbsp; For proof of earnings, check out the website
linked above, check out the great free offers in store, and surveys to fill out.&nbsp; It's easy!<BR>
I know you will enjoy, what's the harm in signing up and doing a few free offers, surveys, or watching a few short
commercials and GETTING PAID FOR IT?<BR>
<DIV ALIGN=center></DIV>
<DIV ALIGN=center>Hope you enjoy!</DIV>
Jason
</BODY>
</HTML>


July 26th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 03:00 am: Meet Christian Singles
from:     Meet Christian Singles offer@xfwr321oharmony.com
to:       Undisclosed Recipient <mail@xfwr321oharmony.com>
date:     Mon, Jul 25, 2011 at 13:50
subject:  See Photos of Christian Singles
Given that I am neither Christian nor single, why would Christian singles want me looking at their photos?
(I.e., why am I on your mailing list?)

July 24th, 2011

syntonic_comma @ 08:35 pm: Search Engine Optimization
Today's choice spam:
From seo@neokode.com Sun Jul 24 20:14:10 2011 [1]
Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:16:03 -0400
From: Seo Service <seo@neokode.com>
To: [myaccount]@comcast.net
Subject: SEO Google Listing

Dear website owner,

Hope you are well. I was surfing through your website “www.comcast.net”[2] and saw your website is not on top rankings for most of your keywords pertaining to your domain so I was wondering if you would be interested in getting Search engine optimization done for your website.[3]    Ethical SEO leads to Better Traffic leading to higher Sales.[4]

We are a US based Search engine optimization company working with clients in US, UK and Australia

Let me know if you would like me to mail you more details or schedule a call. We'll be pleased to serve you.

I look forward to your feedback[5]

Yours sincerely,
Mike
Business Development Manager
[1] Why did delivery take 5 days?
[2] www.comcast.net is not my website. Duh!
[3] From actually looking at my website, that's an obvious "No".
[4] I'm not selling anything.
[5] You wouldn't be looking forward to it if you knew what I'm thinking. I hate spam.
My response:
Dear Search Optimizer,

Comcast is one of the biggest ISPs in the US. www.comcast.net is obviously not my personal domain nor website. So I have to question your professional competence.

My normal scathing response to unrequested SEO solicitations is that anyone who had actually looked at any of my websites would know I'm not at all interested in search rankings. These solicitations generally don't indicate which site prompted them to contact me. Finally there's one that does say which site it wants to search-optimize – and it's not my site.

Also, I can't imagine that Comcast needs more traffic driven to their site. People who live in their service area have no trouble finding them.
Now perhaps Mike's email simply refers to the wrong URL. My sites don't rank high. (And I don't care. People who search for my specific content have no trouble finding my sites. And if they're searching for something else, they don't need to find my sites and waste their time there.) But if someone who wants to work on my website can't get the base URL right, it doesn't inspire confidence.

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
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